The Upbringing Effect ( UBE)

It was Friday where I promised my friends to meet. The plan was made 3 weeks ago. It was in Subway an afternoon where we met and gossiped and laughed to the maximum which gave people on other table irritation, complex etc. We ordered Paneer Tikka on honey oat base of course vegetarian …then my friends ordered chicken some stuff. My friends ordered some energy drink and I zeroised on cappuccino....the first thing I heard from them was “You first taste this energy drink, baad me tum nai piyoge and wiase bhi hume kuch farak nai padta” they were very honest.

I am the vegetarian among them was in for something described as an 'unpleasant phenomenon'. (We always fixed days whenever they can eat non veg as few of them do not eat non veg on Thursday’s or Saturdays for their own reasons!)
I have no problem with people eating non vegetarian or hog before me. I never had problem with my friends enjoying on chilly chicken, Apollo fish, ginger chicken, prawns etc ( I have gained some knowledge on the varieties)

"What should I do?" I asked myself and thought that I am 100% influenced by my upbringing. You see, the major influences in my life from home have been Antu, engili and Aacharam These are the major ones which effected , which are effecting my personal and social life.

Let me explain what these are –
Antu is differentiating cooked and uncooked food. Ghee, curds, butter milk, pickles, vegetables etc are all so called uncooked food and Rice, boiled ones are all cooked. You need to wash your hands (touch a drop of water with a finger) if you touch rice and then want to touch ghee and not vice versa..may be uncooked food is superior %^$&&** …we were told that is for general hygiene.
Engili means other’s tasted food and we were taught to avoid such contamination.
Aacharam- Aacharam includes lot of other things like Madi (Madi is taking bath before pooja, before cooking, before chanting) etc.Acharam includes following all these religiously else the consequences will be sprinkling turmeric water etc

All this is practised in our house. Since I am coming from this type of background and influences I had to go through lot of tough times when it came to sharing a Hyderabad house biryani in one plate with 5 spoons in it or tasting food from my friends tiffin boxes. Most of the times I avoided, was an escapist and got a name as an egoistic/ attitudish lady. Sometimes I used to tell them (with gathered courage) that I don’t eat engili.

I have never tasted non vegetarian in my life though many tried to play pranks. I know that given a choice, I would still opt to remain vegetarian. The reason being I cant imagine killing a healthy animal and feasting on it. I once witnessed bakrid where the head of the family slits the throat of the goat, entire family prays( for forgiveness or permission !!). I see lots of sheep, chicken stuffed in an auto and their poor heads speak an unknown language. I decided that I will never taste/eat non vegetarian in my life.

I do not blame or will blame the sort of upbringing I was given, which, in a way, hampers my adaptability in the world. I respect all that I have mentioned earlier, aacharam’s and I am I am following because my ancestors followed and I believe in them , few I don’t as I fail to understand the reason behind….tried to get more practical reasons for all these aacharam’s but unable to get a concrete convincing answer.

The horror show comes when it hurts others and their sentiments/ feelings which I never did deliberately or never even thought about its after effects as I know only these form my code of conduct from my upbringing.

Anyways, how does this matter as to what kind of a person I am or what are my thoughts etc

What would happen if I were to get away from these influences? I am sure all these got injected in me and I would just not do, because I believe I should not do them. But what about all these things that I ritualistically follow right now, but do not believe in? If I think of some people getting hurt or shall I not bother as I am obsessed with my beliefs? Would I let them go? Should i? I like doing them not because that gives me some pride or something but because they have become a part of life and I cant imagine myself being away from them. I can neither eat engili nor can eat non vegetarian.

Does upbringing matter?
If so, how much?
Tell me what you all think about this. I love to hear your opinions and view points to gauge my thoughts.

Wednesday came on Saturday "Fakr hai"

After a long time i felt i saw a great movie "Wednesday". The plot the entire movie made me sit on the edge of the chair. Need not mention the legendary actors default emotions (Naseeruddin shah and Anupam kher) but for the first time i liked Jimmy shergil. The plot on terrorists, questioning indian govt for not resolving the issues even after 10 years, I could actually relate to that movie as the hero is a "Common stupid man". I loved the bomb blast, the hacker's scene. Director Neeraj pandey's direction was at his best.
I never wrote any review neither gave a feedback about a film but this one is something which i liked a lot in recent times.

An advice with a purpose in disguise

My cousins asked me about my profile in office. What do I do etc. I sincerely described. When I was answering them I got an out of the world thought:-D.
I am not paid for what ever I do but I am paid for what I have to do. Whatever I do apart from the requirement is charity. So, I have to do what is expected out of me.
Now, why am I telling this:-B
My out of the world thought has 2 aspects, 1) We human beings most of them keep thinking about the purpose of life, reason for birth etc etc. My inner me replied that we are born for a purpose, agreed! All the surprises in life, next moments, new people we meet, new tasks we take up, new advices we give/take etc is all about that purpose and form the purpose. Otherwise why do you think life is so unprectiable???..Think carefully there is a thin line to understand. Once I get more clarity I may elaborate more.
2) Aspect II deals with "Doing things right" is what we have to do. I thought we need to list out the things (not a time table but I used the word to list out for clarity) that we have to do in life with bearest minimum complaints and this is our core job and basic purpose of life, this does not mean household responsibilities alone, it is all about doing what you are supposed to do with your first, second circle (I mean family first circle and friends, relatives etc the second and third need not be in that order). For few, purpose may be revealed once you pass out the first level or circle ...may be for people like me coz I am unable to think beyond this. I seriously cannot think of a better purpose currently.
..I know I need a break too!!!!

Giant Wheel

After a long time i am writing..there were so many thoughts, many ideas, many drafts but nothing was concrete and i was stuck at Cross roads!
Life is a roller coaster ride!!!
I usually go to exhibition with two things in mind, one is sugar candy and second one to get on to those lovely, lively rides!!!! I just love both of them.
I observed lot of people around who loves them watching the rides and deep down they too want it but they never dare to get on to it. They prefer watching if from distance and smile looking at expressions of people who are on those rides, they feel the similar kind of happiness but not complete.
I literally dragged my friends to those rides and trust me they loved it. When you get on…..and before the guy starts it, there will be butterflies in your stomach ( specially Giant wheel in fluorescent), before it starts you clutch the iron rod so tight and the expression of your friend will make you go nervous for a second.
You know that ride it takes you to heights and gets you down in seconds, when you go to top you will not fall (thanks to the mechanism), it automatically balances you. The ride is as good as a take off on a plane. Here i know how it works and i am sure that this will go up and come down.
Even life is like that, once you are on top and next minute you are at its lowest. There will be a rise again. I always believed that i should remember Fear while enjoying my ride which will make me feel grounded. While on ride i want to come down coz i definitely don’t want to stay up in the sky (let it be the joyous ride). If a Giant wheel stays up right there!!!! (Can only be because of technical problem) how many of you all really enjoy imagining that we are on top?? No chance!!! If it stays right there on top then surely there are all chances to fall flat
Life is also like that, though we don’t want to understand, we always rise and fall (slowly) just like a giant wheel. We should not always think of staying up right there as one day you never know!! This may raise questions as to "why not think big and reach top??" agreed, if that is the case then start with a bigger sized Giant wheel next time and you will reach the height where you wanted to be.
The way one enjoys the rise of giant wheel, one will enjoy even more to the maximum when it starts coming down and touches the ground.
Then why not we apply the same in life?
Just a thought...

Life at X roads

Yeah...Life often leaves you at cross roads and one has to decide on the path to be taken..is it that one should go straight, right or left?? How will one know which path to take? Some people keep shouting,,right right right! right!..others Left! Left! Left! and few others shout "no no no straight..straight! and thy self get more confused"
Phew...very tough to think and when the time comes to take decision...one has to take complete responsibilty on the decision. It is just that people will have a chance to blame if it is not their own decision.
Do we have to count on our experiences or others experience ? As life teaches us not only through our's but through other's experiences too.
I donno...but will definately write up the experience once i start walking!

Emotional maturity :-)

The most important gift that one has is expression...let it be through emotions, gestures, actions, deeds, words etc..one can express!!! Great..now my point is, this expression can lead to anything positive, negative or a neutral reaction...
I was thinking..( naturally..coz am a dreamer)....Maturity hinders one's free expression!!! Yes definately no second thoughts and emotional maturity will help in for a better expression. I will tell you what is this confusion all about.
I lost my favourite diamond ear ring..( will blame myself for being so careless)...i could have shouted, created a scene or could have even blamed others...or created a scene ..and made others more nervous/tensed etc...and create an emotional drama!!!
I sat and thought that ...Now that i lost my ear ring the next step is to search in all possible places, if not found..then feel bad for a moment for loosing such a precious thing ....then move on and stay calm. Emotional maturity teaches us to think further much quicker than others.
Maturity teaches to stay calm and express only when it is required without actually hurting oneself and others...and may be in the bargain we may loose out on free expression ( am not complaining though).
I have thought and learnt that Emotional maturity teaches us not to avoid the expression or feeling or emotions but to stay calm in other words helps us in avoiding creating emotional drama.

One two and three..period!

Hey...do you know why one feels dull and boring...even i dont know!!!! the other day i was completely down and whoever came in front of me were the victims of my irritation..sadness etc. When i reached home..i literally dumped my frustation on my people.......and the next day i felt so damn bad.
Life is all about hope, expectations, feeling good about yourself, trying to make others happy..blah ..blah. I always wanted to make others happy as much as i can . Then i seriously thought that ...we cannot make the entire world happy ...we have only 2 or 3 people who really care for you and thats it..and i realised that apart from these 2 or 3... we end up impressing the rest of the world...coz we take our people for granted. we have to be patient with them no matter what they tell you.
I thought that..if one wants personal happiness then one has to concentrate more on these special 2 or 3. This will give us more mental happiness, peace and personal satisfaction. There is no point in talking good about your people, doing charity in their name, distributing expensive gifts on their name etc when they are gone...doesn't help in any way.
I doono..i felt really bad...hope i will now realise..and implement.

Temptations

I love to eat this bar...specially the alomnd..ummm !!! my mouth waters whenever i think of it. We have lot of favourites in life..favourite drink, dress, colour, boss, teacher, friend, movie,actor, place etc.

Is this favouritism permanant or temporary ..or are they restricted to certain situation/time??? How many times are we able to remember these little favourites which made our life most beautiful..and what speaciality they carried to become our favourites..i guess its time to dedicate some time to little favourites and write about their special qualities..and trust me they deserve it.

Gravity of Thoughts and deeds

Have you ever thought that why human beings are on planet Earth and till date no one discovered a human being on any other planet? Just think
I pondered and I have a totally different explanation to it.
As far as I know, only Earth has that gravitational force..what ever you throw..comes back to you! Thanks to Isaac Newton.
Similarly...we all are made to live on it only to realize that what ever we do will come back to us.
The big planet symbolizes lot of things ...we just have to realize.
Even a human being has that gravity..if I say human being ..then i am not mentioning the human body ..but something which is carry forwarded!!!

All in Mind

I always wonder..that everything is in brain..uh? Yes..if u want something , perform an action, to react, to think..then only brain plays the role. It has all kinds of sensors in it..which carries messages and makes the other parts of the body react. Infact to lift a hand also ..the message has to transfer to brain and only then you will be able to lift it.
Is that all in mind??? a little size as good as one's wrist...strange!
So..if mind is everything, then other parts are just a decoration to the body???huh?..may be an alien will have only mind and no parts...jokes apart...i always wonder!!!!
What if the brain goes blank....stops thinking..stops reacting...either the person will be in coma or dead.
Now..brain decides what you want to see, hear, perform an action, smell, sense and feel an object.
If the mind, cells, brain etc is common to all, no one has unique cells irrespective of a politician, student, a saint etc ( am talking about human beings as of now). The why that brain functions different with everyone...
People keep telling..that one is not using the brain..the left side or the right side...but what and who prompts them use their left, right or center of the brain??? It is the brain indeed!!
Think.......

Which one do you prefer???

I think...we are tested by the nature....
Either
You are given everything in life and have nothing more to ask for. Then you start looking inwards..( mind you..there is no looking back afterthat)
Or
You are not given anything and you turn inwards..
Just a thought..will add more ...

Lighting the lamp

I had a hectic day...i closed my eyes and tried to relax!!! I closed my eyes and thought about the recent trip of mine. I spent a day in deep forests..mountains...greenery..lot of trees..drizzle..trust the nature was at its best. I tried to recollect the same scene and i suddenly stopped at a thought.
My thought was ..when i closed my eyes..it was dark..pitch dark..and when my thoughts cloud started moving ..i could recollect the exact picture!..i could see all!..deep forests..mountains...greenery..lot of trees..drizzle..everything!!!!..the darkness dissapeared..everything was in light. I closed my eyes and looked at colours..same as what i saw in the broad day light.
How was this possible????Am i watching with my mind or with my eyes???
How can i see light when my eyes are closed???? That means there is light inside us..a torch..hehehe..not sure!!!
May be there is light with in us...may be we could see the world with closed eyes...may be...
May be there is light ..we just have to lit it and let it glow...
Let me try...next time if you see anyone glowing..then surely they have tried this technique of mine..( PJ.bad joke).
Let me try..

What matters?? Heart or mind ^&%$#@?????

A common question where most of us say..my heart says this and my head says that. I did a lot of brain storming..trust me it took years and i kept thinking about this concept. May be a voice of me and inner me?? May be..i am not sure! Recently when i was contemplating on this..i felt that the clarity of thought is what matters. There is always ONE thing that exists, it can be either this or that - Period! Any kind of emotional, intellectual, intelligent, profitable decision anything which is more convincing to you is what matters. If there is a doubt or where there is a parallel thought or a conflict then once you weigh that, definately it cannot be 50:50, it will be 51:49 or anything in an unequal proportion.
Clarity of thought will come once we slowly remove each thought. One has to concentrate and take time to get the clarity. Once you get it am sure you will say..."mind, body and soul..:-)
Mind, body and soul---these are not three different things, no one will say this decision is of my mind, this is of my body or this is my soul's decision. So i think that even heart and mind are no different. It is purely a matter of clarity in thought what matters.
Keep thinking!

Peak Happiness

This incident happened when i went to Kanyakumari. Those lovely mountains, beautiful locales the nature was too good. I was lost in the beauty of the nature, those lovely colour combinations etc.. i thought how the creator used his own canvas to paint such lovely colour combinations. When i was lost completely; i could hear no voice, my mom was shouting and asking me to get back to the hotel..i was paying no attention. Then i slowly realised that whatever i saw for that moment is history, a second look will not create the same emotion which i had earlier. Those lovely mountains got imprinted in my mind. I get the same happiness whenever i think of that. Now whenever i look at photographs, paintings of nature ...i tend to think that the same would create similar ectasy if i was in that location and feel bad ( u read it right) that the same will become history.
The real enthusiasm lies before getting what you want and once you get it you may not feel the same for it.
I was in my usual self ...i thought...you get happiness , you do/see something again u get the peak hapiness ( this is my defination of first time happiness), then it becomes history. Happiness, happiness happiness and we are finding happiness in various deeds too.

Now my doubt is, can we stay still (remain) at peak happiness state? There is no stepping down from that state, a state which should not become a history at any point of time. Is it possible?

My grandpa once told me that " Dependent bliss is happiness and independent happiness is bliss"..hmmmmm...points to ponder.

My little colour crayons

I observed something seriously important and started thinking..is there a concept called being unconditional or all the people in the world including me are selfish ..Before explaining what it is all about, i want to mention what made me think....
When ever i see sages, realised souls, social workers, charitable organisations etc who serve people unconditionally, i used to think what made them do/take up all these leaving the pleasures of life...i didn't wanted to assume anything and i started contemplating.....and the result is "a mountain named happiness".


Whenever i was happy or hear a good news etc i always enjoyed the moment. When i was in I'st standard, my friend gifted me a pack of colour crayons on my birthday and that was the best gift i ever had. The moment i used to come home, first thing i used to do is to get a rough book and draw colourful houses, coconut tress, birds etc. i hardly used to hear any noise beside, my mom used to ask me about my home work (i used to complete the next day before going to school), my friends used to call me out to play games (sudden touch, apple cut, chain cut, seven stones etc) but the happiness the crayons gave me was soo much, that i hardly heard them i drew them till i exhaused those little crayons. I loved the gift so much that i gave my undivided attention to them and playing, parents etc just not interested me. Such was the power of love for crayons in my i'st standard where i derived maximum happiness.
May be the sages, sisters etc the people whom i mentioned must have loved their work or interests that they could hardly get disturbed by the external forces.

Inner me...

I know…..the title "Inner me" sounded weird to me as if I am "me" then what is it that is prompting me to do and not to do. It is like they show in old telugu movies when those characters are in some conflict suddenly another character with subtle body appears and confuses (only in movies and not in reality) further. More or less I am mentioning the same. It happened many times to me..when i sat to recite few sanskrit verses ..in my room, as i started i overheard a song "Tauba tumhare ye ishaare..." a song of Mr. Khan...automatically i started visualizing the song...and after 5 mins i realized that i already recited 50 verses....!!!!!!

Hmm..what was i doing? Am i reciting those sanskrit verses or was in those Greece locales??? I can’t think of a better example to understand (not realize) that there is me and another Inner me.

Thoughts Plait

Lot of times i keep thinking consciously or unconsciously the thoughts that come to my mind. There is absolutely no control over the mind if we dont watch it closely. The other day i was waiting for the system to boot..my mind was filled with the reply i have to give to one escalated email. At that point my eyes fell on the news paper..my thoughts shifted to the horoscope coloumn ( fact or not it gives me some kind of message) after reading it automatically i turned to read about page 3 celebrities and kept wondering what do they do in life. Is it just that they get ready and try to be in news or attend an openning of an art center or attend some politicians meeting ??? automatically started imagining myself in their place....my thoughts again shifted as to how will i look in those jazzy dressing, etiquettes and how will i manage to look ..my dressing, hairstyle etc. The moment i thought about dressing ..my thoughts shifted on various attires once i dreamt of wearing and how i should keep fit ...the moment i thought about keeping fit..my thoughts again shifted exercising and keeping fit...how i used to go for morning walks and how i was afraid of stray dogs ( i blame them for not going on morning walks :-) )...the moment i remembered dogs..i sensed some sort of tension in my mind...and realised that i had to log in with my id and password.
I logged in and thought why i allowed my thoughts to shift from one situation to another??? Why cant i exercise control over my thoughts..??
From then onwards i always try to keep a track of what is going on in my mind. I just think of that situation and leave the rest. Believe me it is not easy!!!!!

I have to always be alert and awake...It is very easy to get carried away in thoughts..though i am a dreamer but my ultimate goal is to achieve the thoughtless stage. Is it possible????

Probably i have to check as to what is going on and atleast think what is required for that moment and that's all. This incident was really funny- the other day i was so obsessed with this idea of checking my thoughts....while i was drafting an email..one of the employee's last name was Kapoor and obviously my thought automatically shifted to Kareena kapoor ( and u know why..;-)...suddenly someone inside me cautioned me that i have to draft the mail and not think of Ms Kapoor as she will no way help me in my work...It works.

I told myself...mission accomplished..the plait of thoughts can be controlled only if i want to...and i also have this conflict in my mind as to ...if i enjoy thinking then why cant i enjoy doing it??? Yes i enjoy thinking..however...after sometime i felt i was going nowhere. There is no meaning in what i was doing...i can finish my lifetime thinking endlessly but what's the use??...what am i doing to myself? How will this benefit me to move on...?
My next focus was on the inner voice...now all my thoughts are on that....